Spice Rack

Two things I thought would go extinct in my lifetime: people named Richard who call themselves Dick, and moustaches. I think Dick will die out in my lifetime still (ha!) unless someone comes up with a catchy new slang for penis. Moustaches, though, made a roaring come back. Just…why? For a while growing up dudes…

Reflecting on a time in high school when I was at practice for the musical. Why, yes, I was in the musical even though I can’t sing. Every chorus line needs a girl…or…a place to put all the people who want to be in the musical but also can’t sing. Anyway, while we all waited…

When I was young and full of hormones, my favorite show was Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. Not because I’m into superheroes or that the plot was anything special. I was into the show specifically for Dean Cain, who played Superman and who also could really fill out a pair of tights.…

Sometimes I catch myself by surprise and have a Healthy Thought. I am usually anxiously planning for the future, or trying to stuff my brain with outside stimuli so I don’t have to think at all. This year for funzies I decided I wanted to start sketching. I needed something to do with my hands…

Last year, in my role as a super helpful (naïve) social worker, I went to prison for the say so I could force wellness and self-care on the officers and national guards people. Contrary to popular opinion, it is super hard to get into prison. They really keep that shit locked up. I thought it…

Max had a difficult birth, so instead of bonding skin to skin they whipped him away immediately to do medical stuff to keep him alive.  I could be excused for idly wondering on occasion whether he was switched at birth. I realized Max was truly my kid when I watched him eating popcorn. See, I…

Last February Dolly broke her leg. It was dark. She left the house and sped off…somewhere. There was one of those heart-piercing yips and suddenly…she was back with a broken leg. I’m sure she didn’t see it coming, she was just doing what she loves to do and either fell in a hole or slipped…

The holidays are rough and everyone knows it, except for the marketing geniuses who make commercials and holidays specials. Those folks are way too excited and I can’t. I admit that I don’t watch holiday specials because I also can’t with the music. You have to wonder what’s in Al Roker’s coffee when he’s commentating…

I’m sure there was a time when I was young and full of collagen that I was adamantly against plastic surgery. “I don’t want to look like a whole different person,” I naively said. “I want to look like myself!” I was so sweet and confident back then. Now, I would gladly look like someone…

I got a new bra, because my former favorite bra had mangled hooks and a hole in the back. Max saw my new bra laying around and said, “It’s name is Olga!” Nick said, “Olga? Couldn’t they have thought of something better?” Listen Nick. I understand you don’t know this because you’re a man, but…