Spice Rack

I went to college on the opposite hill from Cornell. From my vantage point, Cornell looked like a mysterious city for smart kids. A Cornell frat bro may have glanced at the towers on the South Hill and thought about Saltine Cracker boxes full of whores (Ithaca was an embarrassingly White school, so “cracker” is…

The ladies on my favorite podcast (Pantsuit Politics) spent several minutes one day discussing their “Mom Aesthetic.” Sarah was a Beige Trenchcoat Mom, coined after Kevin’s mom in Home Alone—a mom who would move mountains and accept rides with random polka bands to get home to her son in time for Christmas. Whilst looking stylish…

There’s a chipmunk in my office building. A bold chipmunk. “I saw it in your office,” my co-worker said, “we just kinda stared at each other. Then it ran away.” We work in an old house full of tempting holes for critters. Mr. Chippy is neither the first nor the last. Dead mice abound. Live…

“A constant given of the universe—only the pretty, non-average get picked, even for death.” –Elizabeth Arnott I love to people watch. I never realize how starved I am for variety until I leave my small town. Here I see the same few people every day: the guy with big muscles and tiny head, the cop…

Max needs two, TWO! Fillings next week. I watch some YouTube on nitrous oxide so I can show him what he’s in for. Wow, it sounds AMAZING. “It’s like this,” I say to Max, “Furby and oo-nai on candy clouds and rainbows!” Max and I are bilingual in English and Furbish. Which will come in…

I have a cavity. Fuck. The dentist tells me my teeth are super groovy. Like the rest of me, obviously. It’s genetic. Uh, what? Is she saying that cavities don’t just happen to super gross people who don’t brush their teeth properly? Or kids who are so terrible that the bad comes seeping out of…

The in-laws brought home a Pocket Hose. My first thought: well, that certainly won’t fit in my pocket. It looks like what guys think of when they let you know they’ve got something in their pocket. For something called Pocket it’s a pretty big hose. I dunno why I expected it to fit into my…

It’s like that meme with evil Kermit the Frog. Except it’s not encouraging me to create evil chaos. It’s like a horror movie, where the evil presence is right behind you. Or when the call is coming from inside the house. Mostly, it’s a sense that the other shoe is going to drop. Or, like…

“If I had to work with that guy every day I would punch him in the face. Not like, hard enough to damage. Just, like, a lil’ baby punch.” I knew exactly what she meant. Never had I felt so seen at work. You may have gathered there is no shortage of people I want…

I work with people from highly stigmatized populations. We work to correct thinking errors, like mind reading—they can tell everyone is judging. But not everyone in the world knows them, so not everyone in the whole world is judging. And, there will likely be a few people who are willing to look past their histories…