When I was young and full of hormones, my favorite show was Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. Not because I’m into superheroes or that the plot was anything special. I was into the show specifically for Dean Cain, who played Superman and who also could really fill out a pair of tights. He looked pretty good in a suit too.
We had something in common, too, in that Dean played (very very briefly) for the Buffalo Bills. I don’t like football but I do have the Western New York sense of ownership over the team. Upon meeting Dean, assuming I could squeak out a word or two, our conversation would go like this:
“Oh, you played for the Bills? I live an hour away from Buffalo! Small world!”
But Western New York’s favorite team has a shady underbelly. Ahem, OJ Simpson. Dean Cain is disappointing as well, because last year, he joined ICE. Never watch your hunky heroes grow and change over time.
Dean Cain is not actually Superman. But after playing him for four years you’d think some of Superman’s more admirable qualities would have sunk in. I have a real hard time believing that Superman would treat undocumented individuals, let alone American citizens, with the distain of many ICE agents. Not to mention, Superman is uhhhh…an ALIEN, so you’d think he’d have a little sympathy for folks who left devastating circumstances in search of something better. Worse, Dean, whose real last name is Tanaka (fun Jeopardy fact of the day—thank me later) had family who was placed in internment camps in the United States during World War II. Wouldn’t he be clearly against what’s been happening recently?
But no, my man doubled down in a recent interview, blaming Alex Pretti for his own death. Dean said that it was a “mistake” for Alex to stand between a woman and federal law enforcement. He went on to make other hedging statements about “we don’t know what was going on before,” and “waiting for an investigation,” before placing the cherry on top by saying how much he likes Kristi Noem.
Buddy. I guess Lois Lane was also a pretty woman who made questionable choices.
Would Superman would have joined law enforcement in pushing folks around, spraying other folks randomly with pepper spray, and then shooting someone in the back? Or would he try to keep all parties as safe as possible while searching for a peaceful solution to the issue? Even mortal human beings saw the videos. You don’t need Super vision to see something’s hinky.
I wish I was Superman, no, Wonder Woman (better outfit). If I have super powers though, the first thing I’d do is use my crazy fast flying powers to stop time. I know it can be done because Christopher Reeve totally reversed time to save Lois Lane. There’s not point in turning back time here, as the chain of events that led us to this week in Minnesota is decades long. I might just…fly really fast in place? If I had super powers I would know how exactly to stop time. And when I did, I’m hoping that everyone on both sides would take a deep breath and just stop for a hot minute. And make an attempt at productive conversation. I’m talking normal citizens here, because if we had to wait for Congress to make a decision about something we’d end up like Sleeping Beauty in stasis for 100 years. And we’ve already discovered that Superman is no handsome prince.
I’d also use my x-ray vision. Not for nefarious purposes like seeing what’s under those super tights but to ascertain people’s intent, history and emotions. I know there’s nuggets of good on both sides, even when we need to use deep x-ray vision to find it. It’s so much easier to understand actions when we understand people and their “why”. It can take years for mortal counselors to find the “why” which is way the super power solves this problem expediently. I have to believe that most people are acting with good intentions, and I want to believe that knowing this would stop the killing as well.
As a regular-ass lady, there is so little I can do about what’s been happening. I wrote to my Congresspeople, who might be able to see their way into making lasting changes. I pray, because certainly God can help. But no matter what I do, it will never feel like enough.
I’m so disappointed in Dean Cain, because as the guy who played Superman on TV, I expect him to display a little more empathy, or at the very least, to say, yeah, maybe let’s stop killing people. I guess ultimately my crush is on Superman and what he represented, and not the handsomeness on TV.
Some men are just meant to be eye candy, I guess.
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