Spice Rack

The holidays are rough and everyone knows it, except for the marketing geniuses who make commercials and holidays specials. Those folks are way too excited and I can’t. I admit that I don’t watch holiday specials because I also can’t with the music. You have to wonder what’s in Al Roker’s coffee when he’s commentating…

I’m sure there was a time when I was young and full of collagen that I was adamantly against plastic surgery. “I don’t want to look like a whole different person,” I naively said. “I want to look like myself!” I was so sweet and confident back then. Now, I would gladly look like someone…

I got a new bra, because my former favorite bra had mangled hooks and a hole in the back. Max saw my new bra laying around and said, “It’s name is Olga!” Nick said, “Olga? Couldn’t they have thought of something better?” Listen Nick. I understand you don’t know this because you’re a man, but…

Sea monkeys have tantric sex. Just like Sting and um…others who might be having it but don’t broadcast that fact. Which makes me wonder if the opposite is true of Sting, and the hours-long tantra is good for his image. He could have just kept his mouth shut, but, nooooo, he had to brag. Who…

I started a new job and suddenly remembered with horror that they asked for a photo. FUUUUCCCK. I love having my picture taken when I’m on vacation and there is like, a giant lobster statue. Or one of those things with a picture of a mermaid on the front with a cut out for my…

Welp, I took Tylenol while I was pregnant and gave my child Autism. I had a stressful job, and a stressful boss who I cared far too much about impressing. Thus, tension headaches. They told me acetaminophen was safe. And two of those was much better than the five Ibuprofen I down for other aches…

Seems like once a week some world leader and Trump sit together in the White House to, I dunno, talk at the cameras, or maybe just pose for a picture. A month or so ago, world news was happening, but jus then for a brief shining minute when nothing more important was happening, a corner…

Max and I have been listening to the 1st Wave Channel on Sirius (which is excellent for music without the swears and therefore without guilt), and let me tell you once again Facebook has my thoughts spinning right ‘round, baby, because it’s the beginning of the school and once again I find myself in a…

I spend a lot of time looking out the window and speculating about birds, as one does. There are these birds that I’m told are real dicks, Dick Birds, if you will. What they do is they wait for another, innocent bird to build a nest and then they lay their Dick Bird eggs in…

I had never really thought of myself as a Mama Bear, particularly not As Seen on Facebook. As in, “try to mess with my kid and I’ll show you what a mama bear really is!”I certainly have never felt the desire to buy a Mama Bear t-shirt, not when there are so many more interesting…