I got a cortisone injection in my hip—one day they’ll have to put me down like an old racehorse. For the doctor to reach my hip, I had to pull my pants down. Which I did, very demurely. Only for the doctor to come in and decided that my pants had to go even farther…

When I got home from the hairdresser the electric was out. It was unexpected and uncontrollable, so Max was in a tizzy, but being without electric is normally not nerve-wracking for me. My prepper husband was listening to the hand-crank radio. “I’m trying to see what’s going on. It might be the internet. Cyber terrorists,”…

A warning about Mom Rage I had never really thought of myself as a Mama Bear, particularly not As Seen on Facebook. As in, “try to mess with my kid and I’ll show you what a mama bear really is”! I certainly have never felt the desire to buy a Mama Bear t-shirt, not when…

Two things I thought would go extinct in my lifetime: people named Richard who call themselves Dick, and moustaches. I think Dick will die out in my lifetime still (ha!) unless someone comes up with a catchy new slang for penis. Moustaches, though, made a roaring come back. Just…why? For a while growing up dudes…

Reflecting on a time in high school when I was at practice for the musical. Why, yes, I was in the musical even though I can’t sing. Every chorus line needs a girl…or…a place to put all the people who want to be in the musical but also can’t sing. Anyway, while we all waited…

When I was young and full of hormones, my favorite show was Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. Not because I’m into superheroes or that the plot was anything special. I was into the show specifically for Dean Cain, who played Superman and who also could really fill out a pair of tights.…

Sometimes I catch myself by surprise and have a Healthy Thought. I am usually anxiously planning for the future, or trying to stuff my brain with outside stimuli so I don’t have to think at all. This year for funzies I decided I wanted to start sketching. I needed something to do with my hands…

Last year, in my role as a super helpful (naïve) social worker, I went to prison for the say so I could force wellness and self-care on the officers and national guards people. Contrary to popular opinion, it is super hard to get into prison. They really keep that shit locked up. I thought it…

Max had a difficult birth, so instead of bonding skin to skin they whipped him away immediately to do medical stuff to keep him alive.  I could be excused for idly wondering on occasion whether he was switched at birth. I realized Max was truly my kid when I watched him eating popcorn. See, I…

Last February Dolly broke her leg. It was dark. She left the house and sped off…somewhere. There was one of those heart-piercing yips and suddenly…she was back with a broken leg. I’m sure she didn’t see it coming, she was just doing what she loves to do and either fell in a hole or slipped…